Med School

Recently I've been thinking of pursuing a career in Medicine. Not because I want to follow my dad's footsteps and continue his legacy but there's something inside me telling me that partially, I want to be a doctor and that this profession would satisfy my sense of fullfillment. Funny that this thought came from someone with Haemophobia who has this tendency to pass out with a slightest sight of blood. Haha. Well, I have to overcome this fear really really soon.

Why now when I'm very happy and stable with my current job and businesses? Even I am still asking myself that question. Time has been wasted. I should have taken a pre-med undergrad course and directly attended med school after that. Yet, I took MIS. I have a wide array of interests - from music, photography, travel, computers, etc. That even with these simple hobbies or interests, I don't know which I should prioritize. Literally I'm in the point of uncertainty in my life. I'm praying that god would help me pinpoint what I really want and what would suit me best as a human person. (yuck. epekto ng ADMU philo and theo)

Am I willing to trade my current lifestyle now (Gimiks, Travel, Splurging, etc.) with upcoming years of being a bookworm secluded from the rest of the world with uncertain income? If there's a purpose, why not. With the fact that life is too short, I might as well enjoy my current bachelor life. However, with a purpose, the latter one would later on define my happiness. As what they say, "No pain, no gain".

Still with being undecided, what I'm going to do is to take the NMAT this December with or without any preparations (Gad! Physics, Chem, Biology, Zoology and Math again!). If I get at least 80% in the exam, I'll push through with med school. Otherwise, this would mean that what I have now is the right field for me. If I get at least 92%, that's UP Intramed for me (Ambisyosong frog). lolz. Will have pray for this for the upcoming months.

Maybe this is just a momentary thought that after a few weeks, this want would eventually wane. Let's see about that as even now, I'm still very indecisive about everything.

A Twister in Manila

I've never seen real tornadoes except on National Geographic Channel and Discovery Channel. Not until this afternoon. I was capture a real one but not this soon and definitely not in Manila! I was on my way to the CR and the ruckus that's going on in our office lobby caught my attention. Syempre, Naki-usi na rin. and WTF, there's this black funnel ravaging the Manila Bay!

I don't know why these events happen when I don't have my camera with me. Sayang. lolz. The tornado seems small in the pictures. But in person, malaki sya tignan... Photos are courtesy of Ms. Maanne Umandap taken from the 12th floor lobby of the GMA network center.

We're pretty lucky na hindi sya lumaki an nawala kaagad. Otherwise, the damage could be very devastating with all the people in Manila off-guard. Syempre, it's inevitable to blame this to global warming or climate change. The signs are everywhere na. We have to take care of our planet na before it's too late. otherwise, we'll be experiencing tons of freaky weather patterns.

Oh My Ghost!

I just got home a while ago at around 3:45 in the morning after having a late night dinner and catching up over coffee with my Bestie. That routine is quite normal to me on a daily basis with my usual gimiks. But what happened freaked me out like hell.


When I was nearing our house, I've noticed that the area is kinda darker than usual -- One of the Meralco lamp posts around our perimeter is dead. That's quite scary with all the trees at the park in front of our house. My mind is starting imagining things as I was parking at my usual spot fronting our gate. I reached out for my office ID and the house keys and then hurriedly picked up my bag and barong from the back of the car. I got out of the car out of anticipation that I'm gonna see something unnatural.

When I locked the door, it was quite inevitable not to look at the direction of the park I've noticed someone in all white. I though that it was just David, my neighbor, in his nursing uniform. I called him to invite him to have a stick of ciggies but he didn't respond. Then out of nowhere, he vanished into the thin air! I rubbed my eyes to double check if I'm just imagining things. I even tried approaching thinking that he just crouched. But Lo! That guy in all white outfit appeared again! Nakngpotah! This time, from the other end of the car heading towards my direction!


Fear got into me. I had difficulty finding the right key to our main gate. But luckily. I was able to open it and shut it immediately. My body was a big goosebump while I was uttering the prayer of St. Francis while I was opening the locks of the door of our house. When I got it, I felt an instant relief but the trembling, palpitation, and goosebumps didn't wane until I came in contact with my dog.


I have third eye and have seen freaky spirits and demons. But this incident is kinda new that the spirit was actually reaching out towards me. That faceless spirit in all white really freaked me out. I might as well wait 'til sunrise before I go home next time.


It's time to sleep for me now and forget what had just happened.

'teh, what's the name of your dodo?

I received a forwarded joke from Cody last night while Shi, Nelz and I were having our after dinner smoke. It's entitled "Breast Related Names" and it became an instant hit to us. The conversation then evolved to something even wilder. haha. Before I start digressing again, listed below are the names included in the message. Shi suggested the title I used for this blog entry.

Breast Related Names

Suzette - Susong maliit

Suzy - Susong perky (i've just added this to the list)

Susan - Susong hanggan tiyan (my ultimate favorite. haha. right image.)

Suzanne - Suso na saan? *new (contributed by Aekaye)

Dolor - Dodo hanggan floor

Jobel - Joga hanggang bilbil

Deborah - Dedeng walang brah

Ulah - Utong lang pala

So 'teh, what's the name of your dodo?

Ang beer na ito o ang pag-ibig mo? (Beer or your love?)

Recently, this song has been one of my favorite videoke songs. This best suits my current situation in love department -- torn between moving and holding on for reconciliation with someone that I loved in the past. But with the revelation I had this afternoon while browsing through Facebook accounts, It struck me so intensely that my ex already has a new partner. Reality bites. It's hard to accept but I have to. I have to start moving on with my life after being stuck in this stage for months. With the song's question "Ano ba talagang mas gusto ko Ang beer na ito O ang pag-ibig mo?" I now choose beer.

Beer -- to drown my sorrows in spirits and to aide me in forgetting the past year of my life. Most probably I'd be out in the upcoming few days to have time for myself and my friends. To have fun and forget. To meet new opportunities. To start anew.

Beer
Itchyworms

Nais kong magpakalasing
Dahil wala ka na
Nakatingin sa salamin
At nag-iisa

Nakatanim pa rin
Ang gumamelang
Binalik mo sa'kin nang tayo'y maghiwalay
Ito'y katulad Ng damdamin ko
Kahit buhusan mo ng beer ayaw pang mamatay

[Pre-chorus]
Giliw, wag mo sanang limutin
Ang mga araw na hindi sana naglaho
Mga anak at bahay nating pinaplano
Lahat ng ito'y nawala Nung iniwan mo 'ko
Kaya ngayon

[Chorus]
Ibuhos na ang beer Sa 'king lalamunan
Upang malunod na ang Puso kong nahihirapan
Bawat patak anong sarap
Ano ba talagang mas gusto ko
Ang beer na ito O ang pag-ibig mo?

Nais kong magpakasabog
Dahil olats ako
Kahit ano hihithitin
Kahit tambutso
Kukuha ako ng Beer at ipapakulo
Sa kaldero't lalanghapin Ang usok nito
Lahat ay aking gagawin
Upang hindi ko na isiping
Nag-iisa na ako

[Repeat chorus]
[Instrumental]
[Repeat pre-chorus]
[Repeat chorus except the last line]

Ang beer na to
Ang beer na to
Ang beer na to o ang...
PAG-IBIG MO!...

Accidents Do Happen

A terrible news was cascaded to me by an officemate just a few minutes after arriving at the office this afternoon. Angela, one of my closest friends and an ex-officemate, had a vehicular accident last midnight. She's currently confined in an intensive care unit of a hospital in Las Pinas suffering cranial fractures and serious bruises. Jonas, her bestfriend, even had a worse demise -- his leg had to be amputated.

I stumbled upon a news article on the accident they encountered on the Philippine Star (Article posted below). I couldn't belive that they survived after I saw the wreckage of their car. It was indeed a miracle.

Please join me in my prayers for their speedy recovery - both physical and psychological.



2 injured in collision along C-5 Road
Bernardo Batuigas


Traffic aides examine a Honda Civic damaged in a collision with another Honda sedan along the C-5 Road in Taguig City at past midnight yesterday. Police said Marlon Sandoval – reportedly a son of San Nicolas, Batangas Mayor Epifanio Sandoval – lost control of the vehicle (ZEP-823, top photo) as he was traveling along the northbound lane of C-5 Road, hitting an electric post before crossing over to the southbound lane and smashing head-on into the vehicle driven by Ranimel de Jesus (XLF-227, lower photo). The two motorists and Sandoval’s passengers, Jonas Polines and Angela Angeles, were seriously injured, police said. Bernardo Batuigas

Lost For A Week

I've been out of circulation for the past six days -- from work and social scene. I was nowhere to be found and could not be contacted. Only a handful of people actually knew my exact whereabouts. I was actually swinging between our home and the hospital. I was dead sick.. I’ve had the following symptoms: loose bowel, high fever (39.4 – 40.5C), chills, nausea, vomiting, intense muscular pain, difficulty in breathing, swollen throat, congested nasal pathway, and a very very red skin tone similar to that or a roast pig. It was later diagnosed as multiply viral infections resulting to LBM, intestinal flu, and tonsilo-pharyngitis. Whew. I thought it was something serious and deadly such as the Swine Flu. I’m still recuperating and hoping to be back soon.

Pasaway na Pinoy

Marami talagang sobrang mga pasaway na mga Pilipino! What would you do if you were the one who caught this bird which the scientific community perceived as extinct?
I saw this image as the front page featured image of the Philippine Star yesterday but I didn't pay much attention to it. But in my meeting with PinoyTV this afternoon, we had to visit the NatGeo website as a peg for our project and guess what? There's this featured article on that particular bird. I told them na "uy! dito yan sa Pilipinas ah!" and oo nga. It was the same bird featured on Philippine star -- featured on NatGeo as "PHOTO IN THE NEWS: "Extinct" Bird Seen, Eaten"! And this particular guy took picture of this unusual bird before cooking it! Exotic dish daw. Ayan, featured nanaman ang pagiging pasaway ng Filipino sa online community.

La lang. hahaha!

2009 - A new year, a new life, a chance to start all over again.

A few days ago, I was listening to this song. Nagpaka-emo nanaman and it’ll be the last the for the river of tears to flow uncontrollably. Can’t help but remember the happy times cherished together - things that would make me want to hold on. Remembering things make it harder. I wish it’s that easy to forget but apparently it’s not.

As of now, fresh as the things may be, I think I’m almost there - peak of the healing and cleansing process. I’ve learnt to forgive and not be bitter. To accept and not rationalize. To hope but not to expect. One step at a time, It’ll soon be over before I know it.

In easing the pain in my heart I felt before, reflecting helped a lot. I just realized that this time, I need to love myself for a change - something that I’ve forgotten to do for the past few years. Expect a new me.

Pain in my heart
Zoo

Here I am alone in this empty room,
And let my mind just fly you to the end.
Thoughts of you still linger in my memory
Wondering why my life is not that fair.

I could still recall, those memories of you,
The joy and all your laughter,
The love that we’ve been through.
Oh I can’t believe, you’re gone…

I don’t want to remember,
The things we used to do,
All the things that remind me of you.
I don’t want to hear those songs,
Those songs we used to sing,
‘Cause I don’t wanna feel the pain in my heart

Talkin’ to my self, for reasons I can’t find.
Findin’ out why everything went wrong.
Tears fallin’ down on my cheeks,
That I’ve been tryin’ to hold.
I just dunno if I could still go on.

I wanted you to stay,
The tears began to show,
You said you care for me,
But then you have to go
And now I know, you’re gone.

I don’t want to remember,
The things we used to do,
All the things that remind me of you.
I don’t want to hear those songs,
Those songs we used to sing,
‘Cause I don’t wanna feel the pain in my heart

I just can’t believe, you’re gone…

I don’t want to remember,
The things we used to do,
All the things that remind me of you.
I don’t want to hear those songs,
Those songs we used to sing,
‘Cause I don’t wanna feel the pain in my heart,

And I don’t want to remember,
The things we used to do,
All the things that remind me of you.
I don’t want to hear those songs,
Those songs we used to sing,
‘Cause I don’t wanna feel the pain in my heart

Paulo's Sermon

Katakot-takot na sermon from Paulo last Saturday night. Buti I was able to absorb some of what points he reiterated before I lost my sanity that humiliating night.

1. Three most important factors in a relationship: Love, Trust and Respect.
- Love is not enough to make a relationship work. It’ll always be there no matter how painful things are.
- Trust is one of the most precious gift you can possibly give to a person. But once broken, it’s hard to regain.
- Respect is very vital. People usually set limits to their actions to give respect to the person s/he loves.

We can sustain a relationship with the following permutations of the aforementioned factors, otherwise, it’s merely lokohan:
Love + Trust + Respect (ideal)
Love + Trust (lagi nagaaway)
Love + Respect (praning)
Trust + Respect (hindi kaya iwanan; it’s easy to rekindle love)

2. Try putting the pieces of the puzzle together
Signs are everywhere and it’ll depend on us to recognize these and link all the connections to come up with a revelation - Answers to the questions that we are all too afraid to ask or worst fears realized.

3. Stop rationalizing things
We usually rationalize stuff - Thinking of all the possibilities, justifying this justifying that; thinking that this should have been this or could have been that. We have to wait for things to unfold. We should never rationalize what a person says or does based on presumptions. Things will only hurt more this way.

4. 3 possibilities
- “This time it’ll be sweeter”
- friendship
- forgive and forget

5. Time will reveal everything. Truth will eventually unfold. That’s why we need time to evaluate all the possible things that could have resulted to the break-up and then do something about it.

6. To salvage or not?
It’s a personal choice. but it depends on who broke up with whom. If the person who broke up doesn’t want to fix things anymore, all efforts for reconciliation will just be thwarted.

Dahil sa lack of sleep and walang gana kumain, several bottles of Red Horse did the trick. The rest is history. lol.

Thanks Pao for your understanding, support, and all that patience!

The Best Christmas Gift

I’ve just opened tons of gifts from my friends and my family this evening. Cool stuff, gadgets, nice clothes, cash, gift certificates, you name it. But still, something’s amiss.. It’s the best Christmas gift of all - “someone” else’s gift. The gift that could have meant the most to me whatever it is.

As much as I’d like to greet “someone” a merry Christmas, I simply can’t. It’s hard.. but I have to. In case you’ll be able to read this, Merry Christmas to you..

What a cold Christmas eve. *sigh*

Still holding on…

Some things happened unexpectedly recently.
Nothing beyond my control.
It’s the end.

There’s nothing more to do..
but to hope.
hope for the best
and hold on.

And I ask from God.
and from all of the Saints.
the guidance,
patience,
enlightenment
and all that I need
to be strong
to be able to accept
the things that are yet to come.
as things simply rely
from someone else’s words.

This someone, as of now,
unknown,
non-existent,
precious,
and the life
holds the key
that would open the door
the pathway
either to happiness
or eternal grief

When time comes
that the existence is realized
this one is hoping
that the harbinger of the scroll
will shed light
to the passage
of eternal bliss

A new start
A new life

Shoplifter Lola at mga naglalandiang pusa

It's my daily routine to drop by at 711 GMA branch to get my daily supplement of nicotine and Gatorade Propel. I thought it's just an ordinary day but no... There's this one shoplifter lola who made a scene.

As I was lining up to pay for my goods, I saw her arranging the stuff in her bag in front of the ice cream fridge. I told myself, 'mukang hindi pa naman magbabayad to' so I went ahead sa line. After 10 or 20 seconds, biglang sumingit sya and padabog na nilapag yung 2 selecta cookies and cream drumsticks on the counter in front of me.

Nanginit ang ulo ko. Kumulo ang dugo ko. I told to myself again. 'epal to ah! nakita na ngang nakapila ako tapos sisingit!' Syempre I sneered at her (being myself hahaha!)

After a few more seconds, the store manager came out of nowhere shouting (syempre nagulat nanaman ako!) 'Kitang-kita naman na nagshoplift kayo eh. Nasa loob na nga ng bag nyo yung dalawang ice cream. Sa iba na lang kayo!

'Syempre tinginan lahat ng tao kay lola. Walk out mode. Nakalabas na ng pinto. pero pumasok ulit. She forgot her umbrella pala. then walkout ulit na nagmamadali.

WTF? Magshoshoplift ng ice-cream sa bag?!?! lol! She completed my day.

Well, ganun na ba talaga kahirap ang buhay ngayon that people will shoplift some pampalamig? Or is she just a kleptomaniac. She doesn't look a vagrant to me actually.

After the scene, I went to the Gazebo to light up a smoke. Natuwa ako ako sa nakita ko - Live show! dalawang MEOW na naglalandian towards the act. I prepared my cellphone and took some pictures. I love the one na parang magkasiping sila =)

Lalong sumaya ang araw ko ^_^

Nako ayan na pow sila!

So Sweet! gumuggulong-gulong.

Umakyat na ko bago magstart yung live show. =(

Pineapple and Bavarian

While in line at Donuts Gonuts, almost napa-tumbling ako sa narinig ko:

Nanay: Miss, anong flavor nito? (pointing at the confectioner sugar coated doughnut)

Store Manager: Uses the tong to inspect the doughnut. Bavarian po Ma'am

Nanay: Ahhh. Hawaiian. Eh yung isa miss? (pointing at another tray)

Store Manager: Bavarian din po.

Nanay: (to herself but loud enough for me to hear) Ah. hawaiian din.

Syempre si Ryan natatawa na. Akala tapos na yung story pero may mas malupit pa palang punch line!!!

Nanay: (After checking the other doughnuts said to herself again) Pineapple yung laman n'eto eh.

Pinigil ko nang tumawa at baka mahalata ako.

Can't get over sobra.

Hahaha

Paninira ng isang taong walang magawa…

Whoever you are dear 09224143001… Napakagaling mong umimbento ng kwento spreading lies and deceits. Don’t you project yourself at me. It’s just funny that mas alam mo pa sarili ko kesa sa akin. And mas alam mo ginagawa ko kesa sa akin? WTF?!? Isa lang masasabi ko… isa kang inggitero/inggitera na sobrang insecure sa sarili at walang magawa sa buhay kung hindi manira ng kapwa…

Pag malaman ko kung sino ka, hindi naman kita papatulan… dahil definitely hindi kita ka-level. ka-level mo ang mga tae na nasa damuhan. Besides, it’s pointless to make patol to you dahil deep inside me I know the truth. And my friends are there to support and verify the facts…

Kaawa-awa ka… You’re so pathetic trying to make desperate moves para sirain ako and my family. I bet isa kang taong hindi edukado, walang modo, at hindi pinalaki ng tama ng parents mo. Desperate move buying a new sim to send that text message then itatapon mo ulit… hahaha… Hindi mo kayang magkaharap-harap tayo diba? And what are your evidences? Wala kang mapapakita dahil isa kang taong punong-puno ng kasinungalingan at inggit

You know what? Magpakilala ka… para mas tunog kapani-paniwala mga pinasasabi-sabi mo. Takot ka namang lumitaw. Tandaan mo kung sino ka man. babalik ang karma sa yo. Only you, me and God knows the truth.

Wala ka sa kalingkingan ko. such a pathetic loser…

Another Korean Experience

After having lunch yesterday at Pizza Hut Bistro, I had a haircut at Tony and Jackey (since it's just one kembot away). Here's my discourse with Shine (the korean hairstylist) and her assisstant:

After washing my hair

Shine: Woh heh Cah? (What hair cut)

Ryan: Give me a short haircut that's kinda manageable. Low maintenance, easy to style and flexible.

Shine: Woh? (What)

Ryan: Repeats the instruction again.

Shine: Woh? (What) Calls her assisstant and murmurs something..

Assisstant: Ano daw?

Ryan: Repeats the instruction again.

Assistant: (to Shine) Short haircut (WTF! kasasabi ko nga lang na short!)

Shine: Woh? (hindi talaga makaintindi ang gaga... Whisper something again to her assisstant and then she got back to me) Ho sho? (how short)

Assisstant draws an album and told me to select a hairstyle.

Ryan: (to myself) I don't wanna look like one of 'em. Besides, I know hindi bagay sa akin ganung haircut...

After browsing through the pictures, I really couldn't decide what style to get...

Ryan: Repeats the instruction again. But this time, I uttered my words slowly and clearly... 'Iiiiii waaaannnntttt aaaaaa ssssshhhhhooooorrrrrtttt...... (so on and so forth)

Other customers around me are kinda smirking na... hahaha

Shine: Woh? (What?)

Ryan: (Gives up) It's ur call. Give me a new look that would look good on me. Your call!

Shine: (to her assisstant) Woh? (What?)

Assisstant: (Speaks very slowly with sarcasm) It's up to you...

Shine: oke! (ok!)

Hence, the haircut began. She gave be haircut with bangs! Tangina! bangs kung bangs!!! Later on to find out that the style is very flexible. I can do tons of styles with it. And my friends like it naman. hahahaha... Neway, masasabi ko lang, mas magaling pa sila mag-tagalog kesa mag-english... i'll ask our korean neighbor to translate my instructions to korean para when I go back there, magkakaintindihan na kami (wag lang nya ako sagutin ulit ng korean) hehehe

Beef or Pork?

At Steak Plus Timog at around 2:45am this morning. Sumakit ang ulo ko kay manong waiter while placing our order…

Ryan: Dude, yung bang Callos Allejandro, beef or pork? (I don’t eat pork kasi)

Manong Waiter: Oo

Ryan: Ha? So ano nga yun? Beef or pork?

Manong Waiter: Baka.

WTF!?!? Ang labo kausap. haha.

I ended up eating Puttanesca instead. I think he misheard me naman. Sabiko kasi "Pu*****a!" then bigla syang umalis. After a few minutes, hecame back with Puttanesca. *chos!

Falling out of love...

What should you do if you think you are falling out of love with your partner?
Find ways to fall in love again with the same person over and over again. It's a cycle. There will come a point in a relationship that you'll get tired of everything. You'll realize that you're starting to lose your feelings towards your partner. With this realization, others tend to seek each other's shortcomings from other people. From thereon, everything would start to fall apart.

Tandaan natin... LOVE is not enough to make a relationship work. You have to fight for it and work for it.


How do you forget the person you once truly loved?
You just can't. Unless you never really loved the person. Hindi mawawala feelings mo towards that person... mababawasan, but it'll never totally fade out...

Hahaha. ala Dr. Love ba?!?

Duguang puso ni Ryan

Originally posted last Jan 17, '08 12:25 AM on my Multiply blog

Ito ang duguang puso ni Ryan. Nilapastangan ng isang taong dati-rati'y itinuring itong kanyang pangalawang tahanan. Tumitibok dati ito ng tama. lub-dub. lub-dub. Pero ngayon, pinili nyang lumayo upang kilalanin ang kanyang sarili. Hindi man lang nya naisip na ang paglisang ito ay nagdulot ng pagkukulang na naging dahilanan ng pag-dugo nito at kakulangan sa pagpintig. dub-dub na lang. wala nag love-dub love-dub.

Hindi ko alam kung babalik pa sya sa tahanang ito. Sana. Maghihintay ako. Ngunit kung may balak pa sya bumalik, sana hindi pa huli ang lahat. Sana may mabalikan pa sya. Sana may tibok pa ang pusong ito.

Ilang linggo itong unti-unting tinusok. Masakit man, hindi ko pa rin ganon karamdam dahil katabi ko sya. mabutas mang ang isang ventricle, naroroon sya para ituloy ang pagtibok nito. Ngunit ngayon, tuluyan nang tumagos sa pusong ito ang pako. Hindi ko masabi kung gaano kalalim. At kung kailan nangyari ito, dun pa nya piniling umalis

Idinaan sa mabuting pakiusap na ayusin ang mga bagay at idaan sa maayos na paraan. Mero pinili pa rin nya ang masaklap na paglisan. Ginawa ang lahat ngunit mas pinili nyang lumayo. Ang bagay ay inaayos ng magkasama hindi ng mag-isa. Marapat na magtulungan ang isa't-isa. Ngunit mas pinili nya na tahakin ang mga problema ng mag-isa. ng wala ang kabiyak.

Maghihintay ako hanggan sa huling tibok ng kalahating pusong ito. Maghihitay ako hanggan sa huling patak ng dugo na dadaloy at tutulo dito. Sana ay bumalik ka ng mabuo ulit ito. Huwag mong hintayin ang pagkakataon na tuyo na ito at huli ng lahat.

Too Much Love Will Kill You

Isang patama sa akin ng driver ng truck na ito... "Keep distance, too much love will kill you." Kitang-kita naman. It says it all. Wag paikutin ng sobra ang mundo sa taong iniibig. Konting distancia lang amigo. Else, hindi maiiwasan ang sobrang pagkapraning at pagiging seloso.

Naaalala ko tuloy yung 'Road Less Travelled' ni Scott Peck and 'Language of Love' ni Gary Chapman. I won't discuss it here coz magiging nobela nanaman ito. Thanks Cy at ako ang naalala mo ko nang nakita mo to. I'll take ur advice na mag-iwan naman ako ng konti para sa sarili ko at baka sa huli, ako ang maiwang nasaktan at lumuluha... =(